Judy Price is Writing

Yesterday marked the 13th month without my mother.

I decided to spend the day hiking in the woods, even though the humidex registered 100 degrees F with possible thunderstorms in the forecast.

A small group of us made for an enjoyable outing in spite of mosquitoes and deerflies. 

It was good for me to be with others on this day. 

The 8 mile trek seemed like what would be 12 in cooler temperatures, and the thunder, though close, only sent a warm rain, not lightning, at the end of the trail.

Afterward, washing away what the heavens did not felt soothing.

There were no tears to mix with raindrops and showerspray this day as in past months.

The prior week had used all of my soul’s anguish, and even now as I recall those feelings my eyes brim.

They do not overflow, which tells me healing is replacing grief one day at a time.

As if on cue, my Mom’s Christmas cactus sitting on her desk is blooming, signalling renewal even as fall approaches.

The more adventurous I become in the world of hiking, the more decisions I am faced with.

Other than the obvious gear, ranging from the best hiking boot to suit my foot, comfortable pants with pockets, to moisture wicking shirts, breathable waterproof or water repellent outerwear, and the type of hat or none at all, there are a myriad of choices before me.

Which hike to traverse on which day with which group is not an easy decision.

There are factors such as distance and pace, type of terrain, and mode of transportation to get to the trail that influence me.

The weather is another variable that is somewhat unpredictable.

Some hikes require prior registration and others do not, and are available on a ‘first come first served’ basis.

As I prefer to hike with others, at least one other person, my choices are more limited on certain days compared to others.

More recently, I have been looking at hiking GPS devices, along with pocket knives and other paraphernalia.

I am not electronically savvy, and have as yet not found a suitable GPS I care to purchase, along with maps to be uploaded, etc. etc.

I had no idea there is such a variety of compasses on the market.  The small, easy-to-read ones, are not the most reliable I understand.   

As a Canadian, no matter where I hike in this vast country, a gun is not an option, and I am not a hunter, therefore no licence is available to me. 

Bears are curious creatures I am told, and I would not want to pique their interest by creating noise i.e. bear bell, other than human sounds which hopefully are a deterrent to them.  Another valid reason to hike with other people.

There are some decisions I have made that are good ones for me. 

My lightweight, retractable trekking poles provide me with stability on all types of terrain, along with a great cardio, arm, and total body workout when I breathe correctly as I hike.  The speed I am able to attain when using them at times amazes me, and some others I am told.

In spite of all of these decisions, and being a Libran I do try to weigh pros and cons carefully, I much prefer choosing a ‘spontaneous’ hike to a ‘planned’ one.

Whatever trek strikes my fancy at the moment is the one I will enjoy the most. 

After all, it is the journey that creates the adventure before reaching the ultimate destination.

Friday the thirteenth conjures images of various scenarios to be avoided at all costs!

Cracks in sidewalks, ladders, and black cats are among the more popular ones named in rhymes. 

Who wants to tempt fate by stepping on a crack which could cause one’s mother’s back to break,  or have an accident occur by walking under a ladder.  And who looks for a black cat’s path to cross, especially on this particular day.

Now I can definitely see a problem that could occur should one cross paths with a black panther on the trail!

However, people who were born on the thirteenth, especially those who entered this world on a Friday, have nothing to fear, and in fact might consider this to be a very fortunate day.  Lucky you!  And Happy Birthday!

Most people learned a few superstitions as children that they might still carry with them into adulthood. 

Friday the thirteenth might be the purr…fect day to test their validity, if you dare!

Maintaining eye contact while speaking to each other creates a better chance of hearing and being heard.  It also instills confidence that the other person is interested in what is being said.

Leaning forward with open arms and uncrossed legs expresses interest in what the other has to say.  It also shows openness to listening.

Checking out what one hears, versus what the other person said, is important, as the feedback given can provide the opportunity to correct any miscommunication.

Assumption-making is poor communication leading to misinterpretation, as one tends to believe what one ‘wants’ to hear if the message has not been clear and confirmed as being interpreted the way it is intended.

This may sound like a lot of work, and just like any new skill, it takes practice before it becomes more natural, and hopefully ‘second nature’ as time passes.

When speaking to the other, especially if the issue is to request one’s partner to change some behaviour, it is important to begin the conversation with ‘I’ as opposed to ‘you’, showing ownership, not criticism, of the situation or person.  Or to tell the other person, “When you do … I feel … “, which also imparts taking responsibility for one’s own feelings as opposed to laying blame.

Following the above advice can greatly decrease the likelihood of a defensive reaction to what is said, and increase the probability of the partner’s understanding of the other’s perspective.

‘How’, or the way it is imparted, not just ‘what’ is said, can determine whether or not the other person will be willing to not only listen but respond appropriately.

Voice intonation and volume, facial expression, gestures and body posture, all combined with words, form ‘face-to-face’ communication, which is the best type of relating.

Written communication such as email, text messages, instant messaging and letter writing, all lend themselves more easily to misinterpretation, as there is little or no opportunity for immediate feedback to determine that the message sent is the one received. 

Non-verbal communication, which most experts will agree comprises the greatest percentage of relating, is lacking when the written word is relaying the message.

Telephone conversation and live-stream video conferencing, by providing more of an opportunity for feedback than the written word, can lead to improved clarity in two-way communication.

Of course, when relating to the opposite sex, there are male/female differences which come into play. 

Men and women generally ‘think’ differently, and therefore it becomes even more important to ‘check out’ what is ‘intended or meant’ with what is actually ‘said’, to ensure the correct message has been received.

There are personality styles that also determine how successful communication will be in each relationship.

Assertiveness versus passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive behaviours has a better chance for success.

Communication as a topic has only been ‘touched’ here. 

Hopefully, those interested will investigate further, and perhaps take a course to learn and improve relating to other individuals, especially to one’s significant other.

The benefits of clear, warm communication with each other far outweigh the effort involved.

Through every aspect of life, in each type of relationship, the ability to listen to and to hear what another person is saying, and to clearly and honestly impart one’s own perspective, needs or desires to the other, will ultimately determine the viability and health of the alliance.

This is especially true of an emotional relationship when two people are establishing respective roles as a couple, with perhaps the common goal of building a life together.

Whether the couple is discussing mundane issues such as household task division, planning a trip together, explaining work responsibilities and how that might impact other couple activities, relating stories regarding past experiences, making any important decisions which can impact their lives together, enjoying shared activities in and out of the bedroom, or just talking about the day, the crucial element to ‘being on the same wavelength’ is to know how to communicate effectively with one other.

Communication is a learned skill, not an innate response, contrary to the belief that some may have.  It is a required course for any student learning to be a professional counselor.

Some people learn how to practice this skill more easily and quickly than others, probably due to previous exposure to good communicators as role models.

There are various types of communication which involve verbal, written, and non-verbal skills for those with normal sight, hearing and speech capabilities.

Other types of communication for people lacking one or more of the above senses involve learning specialized skills.

This article will deal with basic communication skills for people possessing the senses of sight, sound, and speech.

An important point to remember is that no one is a ‘mind reader’.  No matter how comfortable two people are with one another  there is no way to ‘know’ the other person’s thoughts without being told.

Over time spent together learning and observing one another’s habitual ways of behaving and thinking about a variety of issues, it is possible to ‘finish one another’s sentences’ accurately, a good deal of the time. 

Knowledge of the other person gained through perception and good communication skills can lead to a form of ‘telepathy’ between two people.

Before that can occur it is worthwhile to learn how to communicate and express oneself effectively with one another.

To be continued . . .

Here it is August first and I haven’t had a good manicure since I was in England during the month of  May!

In fact, I have been caring for my own nails since my return.

I have to say that I had the very best nail shaping and cuticle care I have ever experienced at a nail salon in Eastbourne England.

My Canadian manicure only survived one week into my trip!

After mostly daily hiking using trekking poles, at the beginning of my third week in England I was ready to be pampered, and asked the waitress at my hotel who she recommended for good nail service and value.

Armed with her advice, I quickly set out to find this nail salon.

Now for some inexplicable reason I was looking for a sign that would read, The Nail Ferry! 

Guess I thought my nails would be transformed through being carried away and ferried back in a renewed state. 

This reaoning must have been the resulting  influence of residing in a seaside town on the English Channel, coupled with my prior visit to Dover, where I watched all manner of ferries crossing between England and France.

However, the sign read, The Nail Fairy. 

Even better, I thought, as my favourite character in Peter Pan is Tinkerbell, and she is magical perfection in my estimation.

I walked into a bright, modern, airy space and sat down to wait my turn, meanwhile watching as various women were receiving hand and foot care by men.  Only men.

I may be less worldly than many others, and that is a fact, but in all of my travels at home and abroad I have never had a manicure by a man, only women.

As I sat down to my manicure, I was a little skeptical, closely watching the man who held the future of my nails in his hands. 

He did things differently, and the result was simply magical.

I truly wish the The Nail Fairy would frequent my city, and set up the very best nail salon ever!