Life’s Lessons Learned
- Posted in Grief Healing Journal, Stories
- Comments 23
When unwell, television seems a viable entertainment option.
‘Mona Lisa Smile’, starring Julia Roberts, is worth viewing tonight.
This story takes place in 1954, at Wellesley, a girl’s college in New England, where women were, at that time, being ‘groomed’ to be wives! No pun intended.
Women teachers who encouraged young women to pursue their education and subsequent professional careers were considered to be ‘subversive’.
Protocol, manners, caring for husbands and nurturing their careers were on the agenda and the norm.
Sounds familiar, even though I was only a pre-schooler that year.
I, being a female ‘baby boomer’, was raised in an era by a mother who did teach me to cater to the men in my life, and assist them with their aspirations while stifling my own desires.
At the same time she showed me her discomfort with this role, and encouraged my education, although she would have preferred for me to become a ‘hospital dietitian’ or remain a ‘nurse’ rather than pursue a post graduate degree.
I recall my Mom referring to my own smile as being similar to that in the famous Leonardo da Vinci portrait of the ’Mona Lisa’.
Those were the days before I opened my mouth to show my genuine ’tooth’ smile!
Women like me were of the ‘in-between’ generation, the daughters of traditional mothers and wives, and the mothers whose own daughters would choose career and motherhood, but not simultaneously.
When one strives to be the ‘best’ wife, mother, professional, and individual all of the time, at the same time, something has to ‘give’.
Mothers are usually the parents who feel guilt the most when faced with a choice of whether to put career or family first.
I found when I put my career ahead of parenting, I needed to hire a ‘wife’.
This was a woman who could take care of my children, do housework, including the laundry, and prepare meals which would be waiting for me and my husband when we arrived home from work.
I did not work full-time more than several months when my children were pre-schoolers, as I just could not reconcile someone else raising them in their formative years.
I was fortunate in that I could afford the luxury of working around their school hours when they were a little older.
My previous posts have addressed all of the personal losses I endured as a result of assuming a conflicted ‘superwoman’ role.
My daughters, on the other hand, are actively pursuing their careers before marriage and or motherhood. They are independent, self-sufficient women who would like to have a family one day.
I would like that for them as well.
As for me, I have learned how to take care of myself, enjoy my life, and live successfully alone as a single, separate, unique and whole individual.
I no longer need a relationship with a man to define me. I know, like and love the woman I am. I will never allow myself to be ‘lost’ in a man’s goals again.
I would, however, enjoy being in a relationship with the man I choose who complements me, creating and pursuing common goals together with me, while continuing the pursuit of our own separate, individual aspirations in life.
I believe that compatible partners sharing highs and lows, along with accepting and encouraging one another makes life’s journey both satisfying and exciting.
To build this life with my ‘soul mate’ is worth the wait …
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