Judy Price is Writing

When a relationship breaks down and a couple separates, in addition to these two people, there are others who suffer.

When there are children involved, no matter what their ages, they become victims of the loss as well, through no fault of their own.

The younger the child, the more guilt is felt, as he/she is not able to comprehend that the ‘world doesn’t revolve around him/her’, and he/she did not cause the break-up.

In-laws and extended family might feel divided loyalties.

Friends, especially couples, also might feel they need to take sides.

There are no easy solutions.

Children need to be reassured by both parents that they are loved and safe and not to blame, in spite of the inevitable split in living arrangements. 

Enlisting the assistance of child psychologists or experts in child development might be necessary to learn the best ways to deal with individual children’s needs. 

Informing children’s teachers of the situation is vital so that they can be vigilant of any behavioral signs of depression, anxiety and anger.

The temptation sometimes is for one or both partners to ‘use’ the children as messengers or pawns in an adversarial situation. 

Maligning the other parent must be avoided. 

This is a dangerous scenario which will engender animosity and anxiety in children who will feel they must choose one parent over the other even though both are loved equally.

Custody issues need to be addressed when under-aged children are involved.  

What is in the child’s best interest always needs to be the goal of both parents in spite of ones own desires.

In order to accomplish that task, a family mediator might need to be enlisted to assist in negotiating the best possible outcome for the children.

When both individuals are able to put the child’s needs first and create a secure, loving environment in both homes, the children of the family will not only survive the break-up, but can become stronger, more resilient people as a result.